Stay Foolish?

I think lots of people are celebrating this April Fool’s Day with a very different mentality than before.  Since before Steve Jobs left us, one of his top 3 lessons in life, probably also the most distinctive one is- “Stay Foolish!” well, it’s easy the way he said it, when we encounter foolish people who are making foolish decisions, but they think it’s the right decision or when we ourselves, decide to make the “right”, but not necessarily the “smart” decision”, shall we be persistent?  Will “stay foolish” (更倔强、更笨拙)really take us to a smarter or let’s say more successful or happier future?

My name is Peter, working at a adverting company as a Account Director.  My colleagues decides to quit as a Admin Director and set up his business.  Her personality is really shy and not good at handling conflicts, sudden changes. She is not only a colleague, but also a very dear friend of mine.  our kids hang out a lot together during the weekends.  Honestly, I really think she is the right material to set up her own business.  But she looks so excited.  Should I stop him?  Should I tell her what I really think?  Or should I just let her “stay foolish” and risk everything for the experience?
Option a- Tell her what I really think: it’s a stupid idea
Option b- Avoid the topic when we meet
Option c- support her anyways. Since she really wants to do it, even I don’t believe it’s going to be successful

My name is Gary, working at a Accounting firm as a partner.  I was out for dinner with my wife.  It was her surprise birthday dinner so I picked a very nice and romantic restaurant.  When I trying arrange the cake with restaurant manager, I accidentally saw the wife of a good friend of mine.  She was with a another man, and he was holding her hand. But She push asway his hand very quickly afterwards.  She was in a very sexy, & beautiful outfit.  And looked a bit shy & disoriented.  I was a bit disturbed after I saw her.  I am not sure if I should tell my friend what I just saw.  I really don’t know what’s the “smart decision”I don’t want to get in the middle of my friend’s marriage, but I also thinks he should knows.., but does he really want to know? Is pursuing the “smart decision” the best direction to optimize everyone’s happiness? Or I should allow foolish mistakes just happened?  No.. I cannot see that.. I really can’t .  He is such a good guy.  I am so confused.. .
Option a- tell him, I am a good friend, it’s my responsibility. And he should know
Option b- don’t tell him. 
Option c- talk to his wife

My name is Samantha, working as a project manager in a financial advisory consultancy.  Last month, I met a really unprofessional and quick-tempered customer.  She demands me to do things that will hurt the results of the project and her personal reputation. But she threaten me that If I don’t do deliver the way she demands, she will cancel the project.  Since  what she demands its all still within the legal domain and not conflict with our contract terms, I am feeling really stuck and frustrated, because I cannot really reject her up front.  I really don’t have any clue how to “unstuck” myself in this situation… .  It would be really stupid just follow what she wants- investing all the time & money & not getting the best results..  But it would be also very stupid making a mistakes that I know it’s a mistake.. what should l do?
Option a- Do what she demands -> job delivered -> not reaching her results -> got fired by your customer..
Option b- Tell her that her foolish demands wont work. And Reject to do what she demands -> got fired by the customer or win her trust-> got fired by your co or win extra credit
Option c- not do anything -> got fired by the customer -> got fired by your co

Dear Peter, Gary & Samantha,

You probably are not very happy to see all your names together.  And you probably think you are in three very different and unique situations.
However, I see a connection of all of your situations..
Here is the roadmap that I recommend:

Be proud that you are facing the fact that you are stuck!
Before all greatest thinker, leaders, inventors in this world become great, they all need to go through one common thing- which is admitting that what’s in front of them are not satisfying for them any more. but there is a frustration of they don’t know what’s possible or better either.  Asking these questions meaning you are living your life seriously as a good friend, as a professional manager, and as lawyal colleague.  And you should feel proud of it because most people just pick the easy why out. Which is go with what most people expect or what makes them feel they are being a “good person”!  But you are not doing that, you are willing to spend time and stay in the trustraing mode & trying to explore or formulate a more optimal answer.  So  you should be proud of yourself!  That’s also the first step of the whole equation!
Explore deeper what is really making you feel uncomfortable
The second thing you need to do is to distinguish between what’s “should” and what’s really the most “optimal”.
Something you think you “should” or other people “should” comes from social value system, they can be very valuable, but they can often be confused with the most “optimal.”  The optimal decision does not only make you “think” it’s the “right thing” to do, but also makes you “feel”it will bring the fulfilling outcome.
For example,
Peter, are you feeling uncomfortable is because: you think as a “good colleague”, you “should” tell her the most honest thoughts from your heart? Or you are really worried about your colleague might not have the capacity to manage the risk ahead? Or You think it’s not smart to let her family(parents, kids, husband) to go through the risk with her?  Or you think women after 30 should NOT start her own business? 
Gary, are you feeling uncomfortable is because you are afraid if you don’t say anything you are not being a “good friend”? or your friend will live in the fantasy, false relationship. And that’s not ok.  Or if they really break up, you will need to be accountable for it?
Samantha, are you feeling uncomfortable is because your crazy customer is making you feel stupid? Or powerless? Or you are afraid your boss will regard you as a weak project manager?  Or your customer is too weak to accept the truth if you tell her?  It’s not worth to risk your career security on this crazy lady?

What’s really bothering your?

Embrace the possibilities that “being smart” might not be the optimal option
If you can try to allow yourself let go all your “should” and try to focus on the “optimal”decision for now..
Peter, Is the smartest answer maximize career success or being safe or living a fulfilling life?
Gary, Is the smartest answer to maximize honesty & transparency of relationship, or ensure that you are being a loyal friend, or a sustainable lasting relationship, or for everyone to hold on the happiness they can hold on in their life?
Samantha, is the smartest answer to ensure you keep your job or to help your crazy customer learn the lesson or to keep your boss happy or to leverage this opportunity to challenge your boss about your client engagement practice or to ensure your customer know that she is really crazy?
Identify what will optimize most people’s happiness & fulfillment in life
Will removing “B” really lead to most people’s happiness & fulfillment in life?  Or  you need something else?  Something not be obvious or even not socially approved by most pople, or not even approved by you?  If you have a magic wand, what will you create or change or remove from this scenario? 
Go! Go! Go!
Now you have the answer, just go do it.  It might still be difficult.  Because it’s not going to lead a perfect ending.  Well, what’s in front of you is already a mess. Sometimes we need to pick the “less wrong” from the “wrong”.  You might find out that it’s not the best, but it’s ok.  That’s part of life.  WE don’t have all the right answers all the time. We make mistakes.  The important things are we are awared what we are going through and contantly making it better. You should be proud.

Do you consider 林书豪 as a smart man?  The most popular, well paid NBA player, and only Chinese player after yaoming.  A economic degree from Harvard.  Well, before he earned his nickname: Lin Sanity!, 他愿意在同学和校友的怀疑和嘲讽中，挺起胸膛，继续为校队效力；他愿意不计较运动员奖学金而选择哈佛，只因为它能够参加NCAA—级联赛！I think one thing we should never forget is that being foolish is a lot of time & value.  Are you looking at the risk from your life time persective or just this quarter or this meeting.  Different time perspective definitely leads you to the important question, what are you looking for in that time zone..
Another thing is..
We are not born perfect, and probably wont die perfect either..
I guess we all have rights and allow people around us to “stay foolish”
Since the perfect life is not a straight-line from where you are to the ultimate goal.. it’s really what happens between all those little or big milestones.  In a very tacky way, yes. It’s the journey..
A perfect life in my mind is full of extra-ordinary stories.  And they usually are triggered by the accidents that happens outside of your “smart zone”  Wish everyone a very different & fulfilling April fool’s day.

Foolish yours,
Wendy

Wendy Wu,CEO of  New Leaders Group
Founder of 6 seconds China- world’s most authoritative EQ research and development instituteIn the past 10 years, she has been focusing on leadership development consulting, had helped world and nationally renowned companies with Succession Planning, Talent Audit & Management, Re-Organization Strategy, Evaluating Talent Investment solutions.Beginning in 2010, Ms. Wu periodically answer various questions raised by readers of Fortune China regarding their careers and life. We welcome any reader to contact us with their questions, our email is JLIB_HTML_CLOAKING . You can also log in on www.fortunechina.com and raise your questions.