Are you loyal?I remember when I was young, there was a popular question floating around: if you just bought your favorite “猪肉白菜包” for breakfast, but when you were trying to catch the bus, it drop out from the 7-11 plastic bag. Would you rather it’s dirty inside or outside?
This is a foreshadowing question for: if you have a lover/husband/wife, he/she once had a affair, would you rather he/she was crazy in love with someone but didn’t put in anything in action, or you rather he/she just had a one night stand, had a steaming, breath-taking sex with someone else, with no emotional entanglement at all?
Do you consider mental affair a “real affair”? or in opposite, Do you consider a one night stand a “real affair”?
Here comes the end of year. I found out lots of friends around me are in a very “moody” situation with their jobs. Their desire to look around is actually not as predictable as you think.. How about you?
Are you talking to headhunters again because you are really frustrated the amazingly insane and slow decision making process from headquarter? Or Have you been tempted by head hunters’ call because the potential raise from your semi-competitor offer is kind of attractive? Or you just like to find out how attractive it can be even though you are generally pretty happy with your company now? or Have you lost the passion for your job or even have serious doubts about if you have made the right decision regarding your career direction(we call that early mid-age crisis) but you are still there because you should be loyal to your company? Because you think they need you?
Are you loyal? Are you trying to loyal to your company, or your boss, or yourself? Do you believe if someone is not loyal to themselves can still be loyal to you? Do you believe if someone is not loyal to themselves, can still be loyal to your company?
“Are you loyal?” This is a question most people either hate or get nervous about. Because it instinctively remind people “the police & criminal paradigm.” It seems like there is always a “guilty one” & a “righteous one!(actually this one often became the victim at the end of the story)” Well, If you look around and really open your eyes, I think you will find out easily it’s a very out-dated, and boring paradigm. Because the “not loyal” nowadays is not “guilty” nor “betrayal” anymore. You will find “not loyal” in current tems often comes with “not engaged” “worn-out” “refocus.” However, I do believe we should start teaching our kids that if you are not loyal to yourself, you should be guilty.
How long does your loyalty last? According to brain expert, dopamine, the “feel good chemical” generated after orgasm, can last for two weeks, and is important for loyalty in intimate relationship.- physically, we are designed to be loyal to our physical pleasure. According to organization behavior research, also reflected to the common recruitment practice in china. The most frequent jump(跳槽) are every 3, 0.5 and 7 year. Coincidentally, 3 years is also as how long the emotion “Love” last in our brain in average. Do you know the reason? Sociologist found out the reason it’s 3 years, the first year is for the woman to get pregnant and the next two years is critical for new baby to close to the mother. After that, actually new baby can be perfectly brought up without their blood parents. –bio-chemically, we are also designed to contribute our love for people we love. Around 150 years ago, Charles Darwin discovered something quite out-rages: which is that: we, human being, won’t become stronger, nor smarter as we evolve, but more fitted to this world” Pretty sad, but it’s a fact. -Sociologically, we are also designed to survive not as an individual, but a species, an group or organization we identified ourselves with.
In conclusion, we are perfectly equipped to be loyal to ourselves, to people we care and to a organization that we identified ourselves with.
So, how long of the loyalty are you looking for? For the rest of your life? For next 3 years? Or just 2 weeks? You probably have different requirement in different positions you are hiring in your company. And different expectation in different stages of your life for the relationship you are building. If the other party’s choice is shorter than your expectation, do you think it’s not loyal to your standard? Hmm… let me guess, The answer is- “No!” If my wife promised to love me for the rest of my life, but it only lasted for 25 years, she is not loyal to me. If my regional sales managers took the executive 3 year program and is in the process of becoming to be our next GM, and left in year 2, yes, he broke his loyalty as well.
Yes, we human being, do have certain kind of emotional expectation of “certainty” We expect things don’t change. Although we are all aware that “Change is the only constant in this universe!” Well, it’s nothing wrong about our expectation. Let’s just face it. Communicate it openly and also try to manage the change with people you care in your relationship or at work. After all, the “猪肉白菜包” do fall out of the plastic bag sometimes when you are running to catch your bus.
Your loyal friend, Wendy
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Wendy Wu,CEO of New Leaders Group